of half n hour yanks and pulls..

wash, dab
yank..pull..
ouch...

10.00pm
i have always wondered what does it mean to be totally agnostic...what is life like, godlessly....no God...just me myself and i and all the other humans around....

yank..pull..

10.05pm
reading torments the mind. i would be less stressful if i did not read, especially biographies. why? it is the constant reminder that i am consistently not on the right track. it is that devil on my right shoulder whispering "Emmanuel, you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing ( in a creepy soft subtle voice)". damn it....but i guess it is true...tho at times i m blinded to it...procastination and distraction are my best buddies

yank..pull..
OUCH!

10.10pm
people would call this extreme, but then it is extremities that would make someone a champion. how can i actually succeed if i was not focused? if i chose the comfortable route? how can someone who does not understand what i need to accomplish if that person has not accomplished something on the same field? and yet they can't stand the rejection, if i were to oppose. why? coz of experience....empirical experience is like water.. it is not solid...and if it is not solid..why can't take the rejection? why can't people accept the fact that one's experience is NOT a general fact?...i hate paradoxes...and it is because of this paradoxes life gives you no opportunity to fully eat of its fruits..you have to choose...and choosing the right thing is like winning against time...time is the killer...play along with other people, you are subjecting yourself to time..it means the longer you will take to succeed...can i have that happen to me? darn..i am at the age of where i should be making a make or break decision...darn...

yank..stop...
frustrated..dab..
yank..

10.20pm
writers block. lecturers that give me crap, encourages me to think so hard that i just can't write. why should finish that nasty paper. interesting subject, lousy lecturer. but well grades are still grades...there would always seem to be a diversion when we exercise that energy of ours on what we like to do and that which we are forced to do..

yank..pull..
OUCH..

10.30
it is nearing the end..but what an ordeal it has been. i have been feeling restless about something. and i hate restlessness. i want to do it, but why does my mind keep holding on to the future responsibilities and tasks ahead? and about affecting the people closest to me? i have always wanted to do it...yet somehow i feel limited? not ready? its just that somethings not correct feeling...owh well..

yank..pull..
OUCH..
dab with water..

10.35
FINALLY!...shaving with a dull blade is worse that giving birth...i am done...and it took me a solid half n hour to shave off everything...never try this at home people..never...

-vadai-