of stress..

in a few hours, i am going to enter the exam room....
it will be an epic moment.
i will pour a culmination of my study hours on to a white sheet of paper..just for marks..grades...a bright destined future for graduation..bla bla bla..

during this time...funny thoughts fly around my brain..
if only i studied harder...
i shouldn't have watched too many animes
shouldn't read too many manga's
shouldn't facebook too much

however..i do think that if i am able to keep calm..i am going to be fine..
i rmb the days when i used to just get all so stressed
only to find that getting involved in it just wasn't worth the time..
and so people actually do claim, our true colors come out when we are stressed. i think that's just pure crap. but who does have a leash on theories and paradoxes? no one...

owh well i hope i do well ( abit confident on this one)...

-vadai-

is enough enough?

it is so discouraging to read many blog entries about how much they thought they have discovered god, only to not discover God.

how much more can we ask, when we have embarked on an ascetic motif, that all hope for, our relationship with God would produce a spark, an otherwise?

I don't tend to sound preachy, i do NOT qualify to fit in such terms, but it gets you thinking.
what does it mean to have a total discovery of God? i am not sure of the context of my fellow Buddhist, Hindu or Muslim fellows, but i do think that Christians have just not got it right.

so far, i have only managed to attribute it to one thing: FALSE HUMILITY.
when someone talks about how they have not discovered God for the 10 years of them being a christian, about how much they have not discovered the AWESOME god and bla bla bla...it's just false humility. we've gotta admit, being truely asian does have its advantages. i do sense there are genuine cases out there. but they are just probably 20%...

the rest...well you can just guess...

all the best to the people entreprising to find God, when God is already found. i guess some are just perpetual time wasters...

-vadai-

of the right to be unsatisfied....

nip/tuck...is it right to get one?
however i watched that show say a couple of days ago...
and well it was pretty interesting....how?
some lady..well we would call her Lady A...
pretty old one...husband's in an Old folks home...somewhat like
VSOP...Very..Strong..Old..People's home...down near Paramount, PJ...

husband does not know her..shucks...
flashes a photo to her...saying that the young chic in that photo is his wife...
she of course is taken aback..probably bewildered...steps forward to get herself a nip/tuck...
all to have her husband back...
gets a nip/tuck...husband does not recognizes her..and introduces another old lady to her...as..
his girlfriend...

how awesome is that...
i find that as some may have the right to the pursuit of happyness...
others have the right to the pursuit of unhappyness...
it is just so hard to please someone..
i think it maybe a default...a flaw in our anthropological make up...

-vadai-

of life..

it's an uncalled marathon but i like it..here's another late late night reflection..

i find that many define life in the very awkward or humble ways...

some find their life defined in a tear drop..

others find life in the ability to pursue what they love doing..

some would just sit on a pavement...and watch cars drive by...and would call that life...

some would just drink down a bottle of heineken..at a nearby beach at night...and ponder at that dark mysterious and borderless ocean..

some would find life after a string of failures...

some would find it after succeeding...

some would it in love..

others..well when love fails...

some even find it when they are purposeless...

some, like just being enlightened...find it then...

some would have never found it..but then would believe they have...

-vadai-

of discovery...

4.58 am...if its once in a while..why not...everytime..UNHEALTHY..purely
i find that to define myself would be the hardest thing to do...
have you had nostalgic moments? maybe watching the Olympic games...contender Asia...MTV...some kickass show...and just then time stops..and you ponder..hey..i could be like one of them...at one point..i was in it too...but now..

well..now...we arent..but its nostalgic anyways...

i find that to actually define who i am is hard. how hard? it can be harder then choosing your underwear...a place to eat (yea..that can be very hard) or even running through a hot pit of coals..naked and calling yourself the Messiah....

i amaze at time and how no matter what age we linger at...we wrestle with the demands of the world...and the need to find our own life's purpose..what a tension...

i realize that some have taken the bold path to set forth a new career..a creative endeavor perhaps? but then u have blogrolls of a pathetic display of losing...lack of research...and well the cycle goes on and on and on...some who have had even a flying start to life..at one point...it all just crashes down..

yea..i am optimistic..enough to be called a pessimist..
i remember one fella..he tried acting smart...mentioned that pessimism means seeing through your toes..can you imagine that?..and i was amongst a crowd of smart people..those of the workforce and the shakers..they laughed...they bought it..i wonder where did the brains of malaysians went to when they actually bought that...

seeing through your toes....we are in trouble...

i find it funny how some people would try to outdo each other in a rat race....they start coming up with this wealth of knowledge...and its just a matter of eloquence...eloquence is the right word...but it takes skeptics of a different nature to actually strip each word..each statement piece by piece to know if it the truth or not..we don't have much skeptics..what a lack...

back to life..it is a discovery to know how unsettled we are..even when we pledge our alliance to the thing we think we are most secured of...our own humanistic concept of religion and god...

-vadai-

of Trends...

i have thought, what? on the topic of what runs through the minds of online boutique owners..
and why?..

simple...

why arent there much quality? out of the tons, why only 1 or 2 that's original, pure and creative.
the rest have obnoxious words, unworkable designs that either shrink or disappear in water, lousy service, and even the cutting for their clothing...it all makes pasar malam sound like east india or a levi's boutique. all those that i mention are based on the scale of their blogs being such a turn off....their choices of clothing and accessories are just BAD...their models look like illegal indonesian maids that have escaped a big bush fire...their quality sucks...and their prices are just so darn unreasonable you might as well drive down and buy stuff yourself. i mean why buy it online when you can get it a shop? plus it doesn't take a genius to source out where do these cats get their materials from? some research and walah!

NO..dont worry! i haven't gotten the skirt i want to badly....of course i didn't buy them..but i have been looking around..and i must say there is only 1 or 2 thats good...

back to my thoughts...its cold now and i m just blogging before heading back to the books..it will be a long sleepless night...but it would suffice to just blog i guess...i do think our level of entrepreneurship sucks...it figures why there are the chun ones..and the lousy ones..no in between's....

the thing about trends its cross levelled. you have it on the internet...you have it at work..you have it in college...you have it in your underwear drawer...you have it in religion...

but what makes or breaks a trend would be..i guess defining your trend and working best to fit the context of the culture you want your trend to break into? makes sense? who knows?

4.50am...and it's time to get my heart beating for another rollercoaster ride...

-vadai-

in response to an intellectual faith

i tink in my post, i did mention of a demand for an intellectual faith.
in response to that, the question is why there is a need to communicate or propagate the gospel clearly, rationally to people?

here's what, take this common scenario:

we somewhat are captivated by conferences, talks and probably gigs and concerts and not too mention camps. we pay tons of ringgit, most of the time it is beyond 100 bucks. we go for them, have a good time, and probably hope that this one is just a tad bit different from the others we have gone too and just pray that God let this experience be permanent. Now it does not remain permanent does it. sooooo we go back into being frigid to spiritual matters, and we go back into that annoying syndrome of hot and cold. being just fickle and dormant...tilll hey guess what another camp and conference, we just being plain suckers for Christ that go through another cycle of it...again..and again...and again...

not wrong..definitely..but realize this, how much does it make you Christlike? we tend falter in assimilating our gospel to our very own. we ourselves don't even know how in the world should we explain our own faith experiences to our very ownselves and also those around us in an INTELLIGIBLE language.

Notice this...we use the internet...facebook..msn...and are probably efficient in handling multiple task at a time...cable tv is becoming relatively affordable and are kicking the butts off local tv channels...this means we are becoming more technologic and more aware of our surroundings..

we then need to wonder...what does this do to us and to those around us? people are demanding answers and questions regarding the Christian faith. one question is can the Contemporary Christian live Jesus Christ in a Contemporary World? Contextuality is something we all need to look into..and to unearth our brains and our God given ability to articulate His message properly and intelligibly..

so people..just dont waste time...we are all been given assignments and purposes..we know them..we dont need another booster..it times to get cracking...cracking in hopes that others may see the God in us through our works and words...

-vadai-

The Biggest Loser

yea..i am watching it on Hallmark now. they seem to have like a marathon on season 1 i presume.. and well it kinda coincided with what i was actually reading. yea, i have learned the art of multitasking much at the cost of doing things one at a time.

i was just checkin out isaiah 50:4-6. how interesting.

verse 4 talks about someone studiously acquiring what seems to be divine knowledge. and he gets it from God. amazing, i mean its practically non-existent. you don't have sane individuals claiming that..but hey its possible..like totally...

verse 5 well just talks about this smart, diligent person being obedient. which also is not common. mostly it will be a case of just being 'too-smart'..but hey again is it possible.

now it is at verse 6 that probably got me thinking. this person is rejected. the big 'R' gets us all the time, and our response would be totally unprecedented. it is probably the major factor that would have gotten us into schemes, lies, exaggerations and the utter false attitude of say pretending to be fierce.

now the tagline of the show was 'the biggest winner is the biggest loser'..Isaiah does speak about the messiah or Jesus. it also i believe speaks about us...we seemingly can have a spiritual lifestyle and something supernatural to it..we can be obedient and probably walk righteous..just like in that small figment of our imaginations..just like what our old folks want us to be..just literal as the black and white prints of any of our holy books..be it the bible..FHM magazine or even Cleo..

but how bout having rejection..it got me thinking that we want a hero cum celeb image..this denies the celeb-hero image..now how can that be? isn't the rewards for countless devotions..hours of straining through the pain of fastings...and also the utter sheer tyranny of adjusting our attitudes to people...GRAND?!

well Isaiah does mirror Jesus..We are the mirrors of Jesus...sooooooo i guess it may just come not only with his attitudes..but his suffereings too...

-vadai-

simple...

one trimester of the year is coming to an end....awaiting 2 more till the end of a tumultuous year and behold...i am still beholding the wonders of dying to another chapter of myself...another chapter of selfish gain and wants..

it took me time to appreciate U2's Joshua Tree album...but how interesting..music really does become nostalgic..or even ironic..

there seems to be a tension of communicating Christianity intellectually..empirical- ism's are just yesterdays....we are probably on the brink of something..finally after years of wait..probably even the whole tent-making missionary endeavor will probably go down the drains in want of something more effective then just a social worker cleaning up garbage hoping for ignorant third world or two-thirds world citizens to respond to the 'quiet' gospel.

success lies in the eye of pure definition...titles..glamour..even leadership are subject to definitions....it all lies in how much we earn it...rather than the talk that comes after earning it..seemingly everyone can do what everyone else is doing...soooo there should be a fine line to things...so its the how that separates us..from each other..

transit...in an issue we all handle...not just an excuse..even an excuse to transit is transiting somewhere...you don't need to be an air waitress transiting from tokyo to kuala lumpur to tamil nadu in 12 hours to learn the meaning of transit..or transiting..

God..now he is Mr.Anonymous...he is neutral..always have been...in the scope of gender...except Jesus Christ...he is a pure testosteroned dominant homo sapien. how did God become anonymous? all roads lead to Rome? or is there still an existing the way, the truth and the life?

boggling..stressful and downright annoying...i hope to keep this blog alive with some tales and responses to questions...life questions maybe...coz guess what?

Life is just like a vadai

-darthvadai-