when we get older, our character gets warped.
we don't act ourselves.
some call it maturity or "WELCOME to the real world!" or
a simple facade waiting to explode.
back to my thoughts..
i was inspired to realize that God somehow works out the good in all things.
why?
one dimension to leadership would be the prudent and careful approach to anything.
i realized that as leaders, God does make room for them to be careless, erroneous and probably
illiterate..HUH?anyways..
how thoughtful. i think we get a real glimpse of the real world
when we decide to place our thoughts on a plate, for others to criticize.
constructively of course.
and i realize that many will fail, but failure defines how successful we can be.
it would more of a head start so to say.
which i guess should be considered, besides the wanton theological ideas of success and positive reinforcements.
-vadai-
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
of importance..
whats considered important to you?
a good married life that is praised by the people around you? a speech that is superseded by a thundering applause? maybe compliments for your work. Or how about good grades, maybe a stable job or living on a diet, getting thin fast and looking hot?
when we are enlightened to the demands placed around us, we put up a facade every morning, every time we punch in to work or attend a lecture or even for religious obligations. does this resemble who were are? is what is important defined by the role you play behind the mask, or the consistent outliving of who you are.
i remember a climber, scaling the heights of Everest. as he got higher and higher, he became more frightened. his O2's were just fine, his body was up to the task; no frost bite. he was the perfect person to reach the summit; which he did. but instead of breathtaking awe, he uttered "it is frightening to be here, it feels sooo vulnerable!"
what is important? is it to live without a mask, feel the vulnerable of society, yet doing what is correct, what is important to us regardless of society? is this what it means to die to ourselves, to learn to be vulnerable in a vicious world?
-vadai-
a good married life that is praised by the people around you? a speech that is superseded by a thundering applause? maybe compliments for your work. Or how about good grades, maybe a stable job or living on a diet, getting thin fast and looking hot?
when we are enlightened to the demands placed around us, we put up a facade every morning, every time we punch in to work or attend a lecture or even for religious obligations. does this resemble who were are? is what is important defined by the role you play behind the mask, or the consistent outliving of who you are.
i remember a climber, scaling the heights of Everest. as he got higher and higher, he became more frightened. his O2's were just fine, his body was up to the task; no frost bite. he was the perfect person to reach the summit; which he did. but instead of breathtaking awe, he uttered "it is frightening to be here, it feels sooo vulnerable!"
what is important? is it to live without a mask, feel the vulnerable of society, yet doing what is correct, what is important to us regardless of society? is this what it means to die to ourselves, to learn to be vulnerable in a vicious world?
-vadai-
Saturday, May 16, 2009
of soul searching...
i do think that most of us are compelled to find out who we truly are..
i remember the story of how God created man and women in his image and likeness...
literally i decided to form this collage in my mind, of how God would look like if humans were created in his image and likeness...
so i began with a passport sized mental photo of myself. a dark tan skinny sinhalese guy. then i added a chinese guy next to me, and then a malay girl next to him and then an african, and then a caucasian, and then....the list goes on and on and on.
it was a brave attempt, but i failed in creating this image of God, because realistically i would need to put in all the faces of everyone on earth if i were to construct the image of God. which would also mean that this reconstructed image would not be God's real face...
imagery, does not need to be face does it? the narrative for the creation story was so beautiful. and suddenly out all the things God created and saw as good, he capped humans as those created in his image and likeness.
what is his image and likeness? is it the answer to our quest for identity? Note that God does not call us creatures or animals. this image and likeness is a posture that bends towards character, attitude and value.
when a small girl leads a blind man across the street, thats in his image and likeness. when a young boy gives up his chair for a pregnant lady, thats in his image and likeness. when a friend avails himself to assist a needy friend at 3.30 in the morning, thats in his image and likeness. that is the posture that fits in this concept, and surprisingly there is a bit of all that whether we are chinese, indian, sinhalese, malay or just pure 'rojak'.
imagine if you were to buy darwin's theory of evolution. it reduces you to an animal, someone with a system to hunt, breed and probably show a little kindness. but in respect to that, we are more valuable than an animal.
the image of God than should be how much we view others, despite their flaws and shortcomings; how we treat them with dignity and as human beings. and it also means how do we treat ourselves and view ourselves. what governs us is our worldview, but if your wordview compromises others and the right of the others, it will also compromise you. how ironic? that when we do unto others, we also do unto ourselves....
-vadai-
i remember the story of how God created man and women in his image and likeness...
literally i decided to form this collage in my mind, of how God would look like if humans were created in his image and likeness...
so i began with a passport sized mental photo of myself. a dark tan skinny sinhalese guy. then i added a chinese guy next to me, and then a malay girl next to him and then an african, and then a caucasian, and then....the list goes on and on and on.
it was a brave attempt, but i failed in creating this image of God, because realistically i would need to put in all the faces of everyone on earth if i were to construct the image of God. which would also mean that this reconstructed image would not be God's real face...
imagery, does not need to be face does it? the narrative for the creation story was so beautiful. and suddenly out all the things God created and saw as good, he capped humans as those created in his image and likeness.
what is his image and likeness? is it the answer to our quest for identity? Note that God does not call us creatures or animals. this image and likeness is a posture that bends towards character, attitude and value.
when a small girl leads a blind man across the street, thats in his image and likeness. when a young boy gives up his chair for a pregnant lady, thats in his image and likeness. when a friend avails himself to assist a needy friend at 3.30 in the morning, thats in his image and likeness. that is the posture that fits in this concept, and surprisingly there is a bit of all that whether we are chinese, indian, sinhalese, malay or just pure 'rojak'.
imagine if you were to buy darwin's theory of evolution. it reduces you to an animal, someone with a system to hunt, breed and probably show a little kindness. but in respect to that, we are more valuable than an animal.
the image of God than should be how much we view others, despite their flaws and shortcomings; how we treat them with dignity and as human beings. and it also means how do we treat ourselves and view ourselves. what governs us is our worldview, but if your wordview compromises others and the right of the others, it will also compromise you. how ironic? that when we do unto others, we also do unto ourselves....
-vadai-
of reading into...
good classics. actually i have never liked eth's or thou's or thee's. but since i got hold of a classic written in modern english, i decided why not. it is the 'Imitation of Christ' by Thomas a Kempis. sounds funny when you say in a malay slang doesn it. AHAHAHAAH...
right, but what i decided to do with this classic lit would be simple, do not read into the text. it was that simple. so i decided to hook up the history of Mr.Kempis and then understand what governed him physically, socio-politically and also emotionally and spiritually as well. when i was done with that i decided to read it as how Mr.Kempis would.
i think that did alot of justice. i understood exactly what did he mean when he contemplated on issues revolving around life and why did he propogate such views. however, i find that alot of lit especially modern day christian lit and articles; the non-scholarly ones or you can say the pariah ones are just loads of rubbish.
take this, we may use Superman as an illustration, but what was the symbolism behind superman? the ubermensch of Nietzche? or was he the nerd cum superhero? who was clark kent? what did he embody? what did Spiderman embody? who was peter parker? what was originally the idea behind with great power comes great responsibility?
it got so annoying that there is a book produced to aid you in understanding superheroes. we somehow tend to jump into illustrations just because it is similiar to us...ON SCREEN. i guess thats what happens when we read religious texts, or for my case the bible. we never bother about the context and half bother about the content, and then we just use God's word just cause hey i somehow can relate to it. fine the bible is ment to be that way, but it would get out of hand if we use it to advise people wouldnt it? why? misapplication of context. simple.
say what you like, and you may pride yourself in writing articles; things i may not be doing. but the question would be how much sense or worth is that piece of article, when all it takes is just one word to make all the sense you need.
we need good writers, definitely. and we need that desperately. i think if this goes on, all the articles we read will be done by loonies finding their identity in things that just dont relate to them...
-vadai-
right, but what i decided to do with this classic lit would be simple, do not read into the text. it was that simple. so i decided to hook up the history of Mr.Kempis and then understand what governed him physically, socio-politically and also emotionally and spiritually as well. when i was done with that i decided to read it as how Mr.Kempis would.
i think that did alot of justice. i understood exactly what did he mean when he contemplated on issues revolving around life and why did he propogate such views. however, i find that alot of lit especially modern day christian lit and articles; the non-scholarly ones or you can say the pariah ones are just loads of rubbish.
take this, we may use Superman as an illustration, but what was the symbolism behind superman? the ubermensch of Nietzche? or was he the nerd cum superhero? who was clark kent? what did he embody? what did Spiderman embody? who was peter parker? what was originally the idea behind with great power comes great responsibility?
it got so annoying that there is a book produced to aid you in understanding superheroes. we somehow tend to jump into illustrations just because it is similiar to us...ON SCREEN. i guess thats what happens when we read religious texts, or for my case the bible. we never bother about the context and half bother about the content, and then we just use God's word just cause hey i somehow can relate to it. fine the bible is ment to be that way, but it would get out of hand if we use it to advise people wouldnt it? why? misapplication of context. simple.
say what you like, and you may pride yourself in writing articles; things i may not be doing. but the question would be how much sense or worth is that piece of article, when all it takes is just one word to make all the sense you need.
we need good writers, definitely. and we need that desperately. i think if this goes on, all the articles we read will be done by loonies finding their identity in things that just dont relate to them...
-vadai-
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
of the insufficient christian..
i remember sitting down one day listening to a sermon. it was a nice try but all i heard was this lady nagging. and she nagged beyond her age. rumor has it after that, she cried and broke down into tears; probably due to the rejection of the ever enthusiastic congregation.
well i would like to place a bet. i bet she has not changed her style. i am not sure what to dub that but i would say that this is sort of the image we portray to others. i mean we some how are the naggers, the holy club preachers, the distant immigrants living in a real world full of sin and probably giving our very best efforts to compromise and yet look like we have not compromised.
blame the culture, worldviews or even a difference in opinion, if ever the current state of Christianity at its best is a reflection of each of us and the churches we go to today, then God is pathetic.
probably God does not exist. and guess what, if ever i adhere to that i would break even the first line of my national constitution.
somehow when the world is getting darker, why aren't we the light? thousands are getting killed, millions die of aids, hundreds are homeless, and individuals are lost, just absolutely lost. and by far can we be the world's closest solution to this? because sacrificing for the good, realistically leaves us in a disadvantageous position.
-vadai-
well i would like to place a bet. i bet she has not changed her style. i am not sure what to dub that but i would say that this is sort of the image we portray to others. i mean we some how are the naggers, the holy club preachers, the distant immigrants living in a real world full of sin and probably giving our very best efforts to compromise and yet look like we have not compromised.
blame the culture, worldviews or even a difference in opinion, if ever the current state of Christianity at its best is a reflection of each of us and the churches we go to today, then God is pathetic.
probably God does not exist. and guess what, if ever i adhere to that i would break even the first line of my national constitution.
somehow when the world is getting darker, why aren't we the light? thousands are getting killed, millions die of aids, hundreds are homeless, and individuals are lost, just absolutely lost. and by far can we be the world's closest solution to this? because sacrificing for the good, realistically leaves us in a disadvantageous position.
-vadai-
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
of lifes biggest jokes
have u tried seeing through a mosquito net? or maybe those IKEA hang mobiles that having those nets on them and a funny swedish name like BKULAX or something? kinda blurry when you see right through them right? i felt the same way....
i have realized that life is never in your own hands..having it in your hands has always come with a hefty price...even if we desire to be introverted, it is that extrovertism, that stigma which exists among one man to another that makes it difficult for us. we call it community, or a bond, a relationship. sometimes we may label it as culture or even a way of life. something that sociologists would love wasting time studying. ANTHROPOLOGY! nahhh...
some being not contented..or say...hmmm *thinks hard for a word*..YES! unsatisfied. thats lifes biggest joke. i am not sure but i do think for now it is being unsatisfied that keeps us all functioning. you want to be a policeman, you can't be a policeman, you try to find ways in being in a policeman.
but when you be the policeman, you are not happy. why? coz there were people that were hurt, look one view could be screw the people and take the job. but that damned thing called concious pulls us sorta to the people that hurt us, we want to make sure they are fine too. and i honestly do think that it is because of this concious that all of us are not living to our fullest potential. but hey lets get real, i rather we follow our concious then gettin people hurt, even if it wouldnt be that all good for us..
lifes biggest joke, it is to actually have our desires unmet. no matter how much we want it met. why? because we are human, we make humanly decisions, we live on a human earth.
this is not heaven, welcome to planet earth.
-vadai-
i have realized that life is never in your own hands..having it in your hands has always come with a hefty price...even if we desire to be introverted, it is that extrovertism, that stigma which exists among one man to another that makes it difficult for us. we call it community, or a bond, a relationship. sometimes we may label it as culture or even a way of life. something that sociologists would love wasting time studying. ANTHROPOLOGY! nahhh...
some being not contented..or say...hmmm *thinks hard for a word*..YES! unsatisfied. thats lifes biggest joke. i am not sure but i do think for now it is being unsatisfied that keeps us all functioning. you want to be a policeman, you can't be a policeman, you try to find ways in being in a policeman.
but when you be the policeman, you are not happy. why? coz there were people that were hurt, look one view could be screw the people and take the job. but that damned thing called concious pulls us sorta to the people that hurt us, we want to make sure they are fine too. and i honestly do think that it is because of this concious that all of us are not living to our fullest potential. but hey lets get real, i rather we follow our concious then gettin people hurt, even if it wouldnt be that all good for us..
lifes biggest joke, it is to actually have our desires unmet. no matter how much we want it met. why? because we are human, we make humanly decisions, we live on a human earth.
this is not heaven, welcome to planet earth.
-vadai-
Friday, May 1, 2009
of half n hour yanks and pulls..
wash, dab
yank..pull..
ouch...
10.00pm
i have always wondered what does it mean to be totally agnostic...what is life like, godlessly....no God...just me myself and i and all the other humans around....
yank..pull..
10.05pm
reading torments the mind. i would be less stressful if i did not read, especially biographies. why? it is the constant reminder that i am consistently not on the right track. it is that devil on my right shoulder whispering "Emmanuel, you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing ( in a creepy soft subtle voice)". damn it....but i guess it is true...tho at times i m blinded to it...procastination and distraction are my best buddies
yank..pull..
OUCH!
10.10pm
people would call this extreme, but then it is extremities that would make someone a champion. how can i actually succeed if i was not focused? if i chose the comfortable route? how can someone who does not understand what i need to accomplish if that person has not accomplished something on the same field? and yet they can't stand the rejection, if i were to oppose. why? coz of experience....empirical experience is like water.. it is not solid...and if it is not solid..why can't take the rejection? why can't people accept the fact that one's experience is NOT a general fact?...i hate paradoxes...and it is because of this paradoxes life gives you no opportunity to fully eat of its fruits..you have to choose...and choosing the right thing is like winning against time...time is the killer...play along with other people, you are subjecting yourself to time..it means the longer you will take to succeed...can i have that happen to me? darn..i am at the age of where i should be making a make or break decision...darn...
yank..stop...
frustrated..dab..
yank..
10.20pm
writers block. lecturers that give me crap, encourages me to think so hard that i just can't write. why should finish that nasty paper. interesting subject, lousy lecturer. but well grades are still grades...there would always seem to be a diversion when we exercise that energy of ours on what we like to do and that which we are forced to do..
yank..pull..
OUCH..
10.30
it is nearing the end..but what an ordeal it has been. i have been feeling restless about something. and i hate restlessness. i want to do it, but why does my mind keep holding on to the future responsibilities and tasks ahead? and about affecting the people closest to me? i have always wanted to do it...yet somehow i feel limited? not ready? its just that somethings not correct feeling...owh well..
yank..pull..
OUCH..
dab with water..
10.35
FINALLY!...shaving with a dull blade is worse that giving birth...i am done...and it took me a solid half n hour to shave off everything...never try this at home people..never...
-vadai-
yank..pull..
ouch...
10.00pm
i have always wondered what does it mean to be totally agnostic...what is life like, godlessly....no God...just me myself and i and all the other humans around....
yank..pull..
10.05pm
reading torments the mind. i would be less stressful if i did not read, especially biographies. why? it is the constant reminder that i am consistently not on the right track. it is that devil on my right shoulder whispering "Emmanuel, you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing ( in a creepy soft subtle voice)". damn it....but i guess it is true...tho at times i m blinded to it...procastination and distraction are my best buddies
yank..pull..
OUCH!
10.10pm
people would call this extreme, but then it is extremities that would make someone a champion. how can i actually succeed if i was not focused? if i chose the comfortable route? how can someone who does not understand what i need to accomplish if that person has not accomplished something on the same field? and yet they can't stand the rejection, if i were to oppose. why? coz of experience....empirical experience is like water.. it is not solid...and if it is not solid..why can't take the rejection? why can't people accept the fact that one's experience is NOT a general fact?...i hate paradoxes...and it is because of this paradoxes life gives you no opportunity to fully eat of its fruits..you have to choose...and choosing the right thing is like winning against time...time is the killer...play along with other people, you are subjecting yourself to time..it means the longer you will take to succeed...can i have that happen to me? darn..i am at the age of where i should be making a make or break decision...darn...
yank..stop...
frustrated..dab..
yank..
10.20pm
writers block. lecturers that give me crap, encourages me to think so hard that i just can't write. why should finish that nasty paper. interesting subject, lousy lecturer. but well grades are still grades...there would always seem to be a diversion when we exercise that energy of ours on what we like to do and that which we are forced to do..
yank..pull..
OUCH..
10.30
it is nearing the end..but what an ordeal it has been. i have been feeling restless about something. and i hate restlessness. i want to do it, but why does my mind keep holding on to the future responsibilities and tasks ahead? and about affecting the people closest to me? i have always wanted to do it...yet somehow i feel limited? not ready? its just that somethings not correct feeling...owh well..
yank..pull..
OUCH..
dab with water..
10.35
FINALLY!...shaving with a dull blade is worse that giving birth...i am done...and it took me a solid half n hour to shave off everything...never try this at home people..never...
-vadai-
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